I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking that I am about to die. I have no idea where this idea comes from since I am fortunate in the genetics department; the Scotts have long, healthy lives. The last two weeks have been terrible, though.
I haven't been able to see properly for a few weeks and I just assumed it was my prescription. I've been wearing glasses since I was 8 and bifocals since 2016. I knew I was due for an eye appointment this year but was waiting until I left Stratford at the end of May. But the problem seemed to be located in my left eye. I'd close my right eye and the vision in my left was severely compromised; the same could not be said when I closed my left eye. So I did what anyone sane person with internet and a death-wish would do: I Googled it.
I watched the last 4 episodes of The Good Doctor over Easter weekend and one of the characters is diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was very sad. Google and WebMD (I shake my fist at you, WebMD) told me that if I had problems with my vision (check), headaches (check), and cognitive problems (maybe - speaking has been weirdly challenging lately), then I probably had a brain tumor. Great. I really wanted to finish out my tenure at the Stratford Festival but if I had a tumor that probably couldn't happen.
I continued to squint at the computer screen while working, I reduced my writing because it was difficult to focus, and I watched rehearsals without my glasses because the blobs were easier to watch than struggling to focus. I was exhausted. Finally, I gave in and got the Production manager of the festival to schedule me an emergency appointment with an ophthalmologist at Romeo Optometry.
I'll spare you the gory details and just jump to the fact that the doctor had only ever seen my condition is one other person and that person was in their 60s. I have a partial macular hole in my left eye. What I am experiencing is a blind spot. It could repair itself or get worse and I'll lose all sight in that eye. I will probably need surgery this year. It's not great news, but it's also not a brain tumor.
I'm easily influenced by television shows when they deal with medical issues since I'm keen to diagnose myself as soon as possible. I was right about the cervical cancer fears, after all. I still think it's better to be safe than sorry. Nobody knows your body better than you so if you can get it checked, then do it. I am still having mild headaches but maybe it's because my eyes are straining to focus. If they continue into May I'll see a doctor but until then, I'll be happy that my diagnosis was better than I expected. Expectations ruin everything, anyway.